My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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