How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
