I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
