i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
