hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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