Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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