he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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