I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
