Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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