Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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