Don't you send me to vm
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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