I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just tell him i said nine months
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
