Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
