No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
