my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
