pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
