Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
