I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
