when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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