i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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