She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
