i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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