You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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