Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
