So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
