It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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