I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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