I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
