you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
