I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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