why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
