Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
