I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
