We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
