The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
