If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
