Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
