Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
