If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
