As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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