i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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