so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
