Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
