I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
