can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
