I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
