i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
