He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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