Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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