Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
