So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
