i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
