Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
