dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
