The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
they need to just BURY HIM!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
