So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
