Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
