he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
