I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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