please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
