Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
